Michell,We've sooooo been there where you are.Not "terrible twos", becuase Kathleen was 5 after her surgery but we "tiptoed" around her at first.We never wanted her to cry or get upset after her surgery because we had no idea what this might do to her.Especially since she was in a very unstable condition at hte time of srugery and had a severe stroke.Over time we kind of just "felt out" what she could handle. Also if you were to ever "pick your battles", this is the time. LOL! We still live by this now and Kathleen is almost 9.Because she also has Down syndrome her language and understanding isn't exactly that of a typical 9 yr old.Also Kathleen has so little control in her life I've found that giving her even the simplest of choices cuts down on our struggles.Even as simple as "which Pj's do you want to wear", or "which pencil would you like to use to do your homework",or which toy woudl you like to take in the tub with you", "who would you like to brush your teeth me,dad ,or yourself ".I usually give her no more than 2-3 choices,more is just confusing.I also try and always explain when there isn't a choice.with the same words all the time..."this isn't a choice Kathleen it's a rule".when we do have a "butting of heads" she will cry and I make her sit in her room until she's done crying so far it hans't caused ehr any ill affects.We also use a LOT of positive reinforcement and bribes ....oops I mean rewards like stickers and even a high five works sometimes.I'm not sure if any of this makes sence or will help ,but If I think of anything else I'll add it in.Also If you have any questions I can answer let me know.godd luck!
Mary Grace